Arthur Kirkland and the Odd Fifth Year
by Escaping Death
Summary: England and Russia are teaching at Hogwarts! How might this change the actually story? What chaos will appear in this fifth year? Follow England and Harry along with the DA to deal with Arthur's threat. Watch it Voldemort, Russia's got his water pipe...
1. Chapter 1

**Hi nice to meet you! Thanks for reading my story, your support will definitely help me finish my fanfic! I've already started on the second chapter too. Anyway, I'm gunna let you read...**

_Disclaimer* Hetalia and Harry Potter belong to their rightful owners and my idea of this plot is mine!_

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><p>Inside the headmaster's office, an old man and a younger (looking) man were just finishing up a job interview for a replacement for history.<p>

"You do understand that the other I chose and myself have to meet for a very important meeting at least once a month, but mostly on a weekend, right?"

"I understand completely Mr. Kirkland, and I will allow this as long as you and this other person you might chose are satisfactory history teacher."

"Then I suppose we have a deal Headmaster Dumbledore." The two shook hands over the gadget-covered desk.

"Please call me Albus."

"Then you will have to call me Arthur. Though the children will have to call me Professor Kirkland."

**XXXXXXXXXX**

England sat at home drinking his tea, finally he could keep Mr. Potter safe from anything. After all he was the only hope the nation had from becoming ruled by an evil, psychotic wizard. He was nervous, no not for himself, but the Russian nation. Out of all the allies, Russia could be the best choice.

America? No, of course not with his huge mouth and annoy presence. Fran-? Not even an option. China could have been good, but he was tied to that Hello Kitty franchise and Japan. Russia wouldn't attack (unless provoked) the students and he could keep them in control. Plus he hadn't had any wars recently with Russia other that the 'Become one with me' conversations. He would be the ideal choice, and this would make Russia owe him for being able to hold Belarus back.

He glanced at the clock; two o'clock. England finally decided to call Russia.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"Hello?" a slightly Russian accent can on since the country had been speaking English for a long time.

"Ah, hello Russia."

"Comrade England, you called to become one with mother Russia, da?" answered a childish voice.

"...Sorry Russia, but that's not the case. You see, I was hoping that you could teach at one of my magical schools."

The large country thought for a moment, "What's in it for me?"

"I will supply you with vodka for the entire school term... and Belarus can't find-," but England was cut off by the call ended beeping of his phone.

_'What cut him off?'_ the gentleman asked himself.

Suddenly, banging started on his door loud and clear. The nation carefully opened the door and found the largest country standing there with packed bags.

"So when do we leave?" Russia asked with a slight huff in his voice.

"Er...," England to a second to ponder how he got here so fast, "Well, the date is August thirteenth, so we could leave tomorrow to go shopping."

"Wonderful! I shall settle in the guest room, da?"

"Quite," England replied as he started to lead Russia to his temporary room. "We'll have to be up before noon to go to Diagon Alley, so we might as well get some rest for now."

"Da."

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"Are you sure it's here England?"

"Of course, this is my country after all," the nation responded as they walked into the pub. Most of the people glanced their way but quickly turned away, some with disgusted looks from the muggle clothes they wore.

"This way," he lead the two of them into a back alley and started to tap the bricks which created an arch to the shopping place. Once again some glance their way because of the muggle clothes, especially Russia because he was covered in layers that was for the winter, in August.

The nations squeezed their way through to Gringotts to withdrawal some galleons. England walked up to a goblin teller, "Good evening, I would like a withdrawal from vault one please."

As soon as England said "vault one" the goblin looked at the two sharply. "_Key _please," the creature stressed the word 'key'. England easily fished out a very small silver key and showed it. The goblin's eyes widen as he called for a cart. The two nations rode the roller coaster/mine cart for around ten minutes, past multiple dragons and traps that were laid out for thieves that might want to steal from the very first vault that was created in Gringotts.

The cart jerked to a stop, England stepped off and headed straight to the huge metal vault while Russia took a moment to catch himself up. The British nation then stepped up the large dragon head that was imbedded at eye level and stared at it straight in the eyes. Suddenly, the mouth opened and breathed out a ball of fire, but the United Kingdom did not move. Immediately after the entire fireball had somehow phased though him it disappeared. He stuck his hand into the mouth of the dragon up to his shoulder until he finally reached the keyhole.

The large door slowly creaked open and inside was what looked like an infinite sea of gold and silver. England threw Russia a bag that had his flag design on there.

"Come on, we don't have all day. What you have there is an endless wallet. You can put as much money and it will never weight any more than when it is empty, plus it can't be stolen by anyone," England rambled on as he filled his own bag while Russia gazed at the amount of gold. Soon the two took many handfuls of coins and returned to the surface.

Yet again, the two odd pair stood out in the wizard crowd. Russia's head poked out above the crowd while England's eyebrows looked like caterpillars to most. They quickly went to store to store to get the textbooks that they decided was best for their terms. Then the nations decided to get their robes now and got plenty for the school year.

Ollivanders easily took the longest out of all the shops.

"Hello, you two seem to be a bit old to just be getting your first wand," the man stated.

"Quite, but we're going be new history teachers at Hogwarts this year," England supplied. He couldn't use his other wand, it stood out from all the other regular, brown, no star-tipped wands and much too powerful to risk it.

"So, who would like to go first?"

"I will," Russia stepped up.

"Hold out your wand hand, you know, your writing hand."

After Ollivander did all the little measurements, he scurried back to the shelves and grabbed at least thirty boxes. After twenty tries and the wand maker mutter what a tricky customer he was, Russia finally found his wand.

"Thirteen inches, birch, dragon heartstring, give it a wave."

As soon as Russia gave a slight flick, white, red, and blue sparks started to fly out of the tip and form the Russian flag.

Russia was playing his wand while England took thirty-five tries before he found it. As soon as grabbed the wand, more red, white, and blue sparks were spouted out the tip to form the English flag. "Eleven inches, royal oak, unicorn hair. That will be fourteen galleons."

As soon as the pair exited out of the dusty shop, the sun was already setting.

"Well that was quite a day of shopping," England said as the two were just about to head into his home.

"Da, now I wish to relax and have a nice bottle of vodka," Russia responded as he quickly headed upstairs to have his alcohol.

"Oh wait Russia, please don't use our country names while we're there. No one knows that we're nations, even the headmaster."

"Da, good night England."

"Right, good evening."

And the two spend their days until it was finally September first of Harry Potter's fifth year.

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><p><strong>Please review to help me finish up chapters! I accept comments, ideas, and <em>constructive<em> criticism. Flames and spams will be ignored! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi again! Thanks for the three who reviewed; **The Almighty Pyro, vsama, Don'tDreamItBeIt!

**Answers: Maybe Russia does have teleportation, maybe not. ;3 Or he could've ran across the countries, caught a plane, ans skydived (with a parachute this time) right in front of his house and hid the parachute. Canada... who's that again? He might be the person America's dragging along... Oh, and Russia's pipe may come sooner than you think! Yes Umbridge is in this story, but I'm going to make her as miserable as possible. let's see how she can handle the rest of the countries, heh heh heh~**

_Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me except the AU-ish plot!_

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><p>Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna, and Neville were all sitting in one compartment as the train was already on the move to Hogwarts. "Who do you think will be the DADA professor this year?" Harry asked.<p>

"Ah, who knows? Maybe this person will actually be good at teaching," Ron responded as he bit into a chocolate frog. The six then simply relaxed until the train reached Hogwarts. The group then heard the compartment door across from them open. A very tall man in a beige trench coat and a long scarf stepped out and placed two trunks on the rack.

"Arthur you don't need anything else, da?" The group heard the Russian accent easily.

"It's not my fault that I'm short Ivan, and, no, I don't need anything el- Bollocks! Ivan get in here and take your bloody vodka!" A very English accent shouted from inside the room.

"You didn't spill any of my vodka did you, kolkolkol..." the guy asked as he walked back inside with a dark aura that made the group of students shiver. They couldn't hear or see anything else since the two closed the door, but they were afraid for the man who might have spilled the vodka.

"Who do you think were those two?" Hermione wondered out loud.

"Who cares? Look we're almost at Hogwarts anyway," Ron responded.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

And so the group entered the carriages to go to the main entrance. They parted ways with Luna as they headed to their respected tables.

"Look it's that Russian guy we saw earlier on the train!" Harry told the others. They all glanced at the three new teachers that were sitting at the head table. The woman in a pink sweater seemed to be alone and was smiling towards the student body, who was mostly whispering about the two men.

They were conversing with each other. The tall man had silver hair and, strangely, violet eyes. He was facing the other with a very creepy smile and nodding at the hush voice of his partner. Most Slytherins were whispering about the muggle trench coat and slightly pink scarf.

However most were staring at the little bit shorter than average man. Almost everyone that originated from the United Kingdom felt something towards the man even though they just saw him. He was in, what appeared to be a green war uniform and had humongous eyebrows. His ash blonde hair looked like it hadn't been combed in weeks. The two teachers seemed to be very deep into their conversation, for they didn't notice the students' or teachers' looks at them.

Soon the men turned from their chat to watch the first year sorting proceed, and dug into their dinner. Well the one in the uniform did, but the other cautiously poked the food and asked something to the blonde haired man. Apparently it was really offensive to him because he started getting a dark aura around him and stared at the other with blank eyes. Everyone got a chill up there spine when they all his murmur of, "What do you bloody mean my country's cooking is poisonous..."

After that was over Dumbledore finally announced the presence of the three new professors. "The Ministry has decided that history of magic is now a requirement years five and up," there were numerous groans at this statement. "However, Professor Binns has finally found a hobby in his life, or should I say afterlife? He is now traveling the world to understand more of the different nations' magical communities. So I now present the new History of Magic professor, Arthur Kirkland, or Professor Kirkland." There was a pleasant applause from the students, except the Slytherins, to the gentleman that waved towards the student body.

"Also here is his assistant, Ivan Braginski, or Professor Braginski," and once again the student body applauded. "We are delighted to introduce the new Defense Against the Dark Arts, Professor Umbridge." This teacher gave a sickening sweet smile that could have given most of the student body at least three cavities. "Tryout for the House Quidditch teams will be-"

Sadly, the headmaster was interrupted by a soft _"hem, hem"_ from the pink toad that would have made Poland maul her for making the color look disgusting. Her speech was so horrible that England was scowling at how corrupted his magical government was. Finally it was time to go back into the dorms and teacher quarters to sleep for the first day of the official school year.

"See you tomorrow, da, Arthur?"

"Yes, good night Ivan."

Everyone was in the Great Hall for breakfast as everyone was getting their schedules and were peacefully preparing for their first day. Unfortunately for Arthur the peace do _not_ last. Ivan was carefully eating the English food when a red envelope landed in front of him. Everyone was prepared to hear what the teacher had already done to get a Howler.

"Ivan , wait-!" but the nation was too late because the Howler opened.

"YO COMMIE BASTARD, WHERE'D YOU GO DUDE! I BET YOU TOOK IGGY WITH YOU, WHERE EVER YOU ARE! WAIT TILL I FIND OUT WHERE YOU ARE COMMIE! I'M TOTALLY GOING TO GATECRASH WHEN I FIND YOU! COME ON MATTIE, WE'RE GOING TO FIND ARTHUR!" a loud American accented voice burst through.

"A HON HON HON~ OH ARTHUR WHY DID YOU LEAVE DEAR ME WITH ALL THESE IMBECILES! YOU KNOW I CANNOT DEAL WITH ALL OF THEM! WAIT I KNOW! I CAN JUST GO TO WHERE EVER YOU ARE! WAIT FOR ME ALFRED, I MUST PACK MY BAGS!" a French accent followed, and for some reason Professor Kirkland wanted to kill something.

"CIAO ARTHUR~ I OVER HEARD ALFRED YELLING AT A PIECE OF PAPER, SO I DECIDED TO JOIN IN TOO~! I CAN'T WAIT TILL WE ALL COME AND VISIT! MAYBE I CAN COOK SOME PASTA FOR WHOEVER IS ALMOST DEAD BY YOUR COOKING! I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME BRINGING LUWIG AND KIKU, WELL MAYBE NOT KIKU BECAUSE YAO SAID THAT HE WAS BRINGING HIM TO SEE YOU INSTEAD! EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE SCARY ARTHUR, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU!" an Italian voice once again followed after the last message.

After that message had finished the envelope finally burst into flames. Everyone that was staring at the Howler had turned to the professor who scooped up the letter and fled the Great Hall, and soon enough Professor Braginski had followed. _'Oh, the first bloody days _always_ started with pissing _me_ off,'_ Arthur thought to himself as he grabbed a bottle of rum.

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><p><strong>Reviews really do help me move faster! Comments, ideas, and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism allowed. Flames and spams will be knocked out with a fish.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm back and as awesome (sorry Prussia) as ever! I now have eleven reviews which only** **makes me write even faster! Thanks to everyone!  
><strong>

**Answe****rs: Thank you for telling about spelling and grammar errors in a kind way****! And yes England and Russia will have a _friendly _relationship. There are no pairings in this fic. Still thank you for all the comments! I knew that putting Russia in here would be interesting so I thought, and thought... and thought. And finally, _"BOOM!"_ Inspiration hit me like Russia's faucet pipe.**

_Disclaimer* Hetalia and Harry Potter belong to their rightful owners and my idea of this plot is mine!_

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><p>"Wow, can't believe Professor Kirkland has friends like that," Ron said through his mouth of food.<p>

"Ron, don't talk with your mouth full, " Hermione nagged, "even though your right. I wonder if that American I really going to try to get into Hogwarts just to see the professor."

"Whatever, look at our schedule! History of Magic, double Potions, Divination, and double Defense Against the Dark Arts! Those two new weird guys, Snape, Trelawney, and the Umbridge woman all in one day, this is going to suck," Ron exclaimed.

"Well we really don't know how those two will teach Ron," Harry reasoned. "Maybe they're actually good at it. Come on, breakfast is almost over."

The trio were the last ones in the class with Slytherins and Gryffindors, all chatting about the new professors.

"I bet they're just dumb muggles, I mean everyone saw their clothes this morning," Malfoy loudly exclaimed. "Just to show how barmy Dumbledore is!" With that statement everyone started to whisper if the headmaster had broken the Statute of Secrecy, but all quieted down as the tall professor walled in through the door.

"Hello students, my name is Professor Braginski and I come from motherland Russia, da," the professor said with a creepy smile. "Professor Kirkland is dealing with some... _problems_ right now, so I shall be the one to introduce you to what I will teach you."

The professor started writing on the blackboard.

_Professor Braginski:_

_-Eastern Europe History_

_-Asian History_

_-Muggle Wars and Muggle Weapons_

"Now does anyone have any questions?"

"Why are we learning about _muggle_ wars?" Malfoy called out.

The Russian had a questioning look on his face, "Muggle do make up most of the world's population, da? It is important that you learn so history will not repeat itself. Sadly, of England's citizen was stupid enough to try and copy Nazi Germany," he spoke in a flat tone but still had that scary smile on his face.

"Are you a muggle? Or at least a mudbl-" Malfoy was interrupted by Professor Braginski.

"Five points from Slytherin for using a bias term. Please note that using that word will result in some... _consequences. _Kolkolkol..." The purple eyes narrow as if daring him to say it again and menacing aura started to appear around the professor. A strange sound started to emerge from the Russian that scared the crap out of all the students, especially Malfoy.

Suddenly the door opened and startled the students out of their frozen states, "Bloody Americans, bloody frog..." the shorter professor mumbled as he came into his classroom. He looked up to find the scared faces of his students and a smiling Russia. "Couldn't you have waited for me before you scared my students out of their wits?" Arthur questioned as if this was an occasional occurrence.

The other just shrugged his shoulders and and responded, "I should lay down the rules for them, da?"

Professor Kirkland sighed and introduced himself, "I'm sorry that I'm late, but I am Professor Kirkland and will be teaching the majority of the time here." The English nation swore that he could here a sigh of relief here and there in the class.

He wrote right next to Professor Braginski's bullets and also wrote.

_Professor Kirkland:_

_-Western Europe History_

_-American History_

_-Magical Wars_

_-Previous English Magical Governments_

_-General World Magical History_

"Now your homework tonight is to write five random facts that you didn't know previously about Western European history. Well, since you have extra time I suppose you can speak among yourselves now," he finalized and turned to speak to the other teacher as the class chatted away.

"Bloody hell! That Russian professor is freaky!" Ron exclaimed quietly to the other two.

"I know, I mean you all saw the dark aura around him right? He might be a dark wizard," Harry suggested.

"Of course not Harry, Headmaster Dumbledore would allow that to happen," Hermione responded, "again..." she quietly added.

Ron was about to say something again but was quickly quieted, and so did the rest of the class as they all watched the scene play out in front of them. Professor Kirkland was slowly backing away from the other that was, once again, emanating that dark cloak around him and "kolkolkol"-ing. Ivan reached into his sleeve and pulled out, what the class thought, would be his wand. Instead it was a... faucet pipe?

"N-now Ivan, Let's n-not get hasty here," Professor Kirkland tried to calm the other, not wanting his face to get smashed inward, "J-just think about what makes you happy."

"What makes me happy? I will be happy when I smash your face into dust and you lying on the cold ground in a bloody pulp..." The Russian held up his pipe threateningly and held his smile. Most of the class could see dried blood on it and paled a little.

"You know I would never mean those things Ivan! Uh, um," the gentleman stuttered. All of a sudden, he dashed though the doorway and quickly shut it behind him.

"Kolkolkol..." Ivan followed at a calm pace with his trusty pipe right in his hand. The class was going to start speaking again but the bell beat them to it.

All Ron was able to say to his fellow classmates (and Slytherins) was, "Bloody hell..." Any the whole school, teachers included, knew _not_ to piss off Ivan Braginski.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

The other students had said they didn't see Professor Kirkland for the rest of the day and that one class saw a bloody hand print on the blackboard. When Professor Braginski turned to greet the sixth years, they all paled to see a spot of dried blood on his right cheek and his right glove was a darker color than the other. All in all, almost everyone was scared of the tall professor.

The teachers didn't even see Professor Kirkland during Ivan's first teacher meeting to review the first day.

"Professor Braginski, I don't mean to pry, but where is Professor Kirkland?" Ms. McGronagall inquired.

"Ah, Arthur is just... _rest__ing_ back in his room. I'm afraid that he wasn't use to having me teach with him. Also he was quite stressed out at that red envelope that was here this morning," Ivan finally said as he came up with an excuse for England not being here. Of course nations couldn't kill each other unless a war was happening, but that didn't mean that they couldn't hurt each other.

"So slacking off on the first day?" the toad asked smugly.

"No, simply not use to it," Russia (though they didn't know it) answered, not even noticing her tone and still held the smile that creeps everyone out. Snape would even swear that the Dark Lord would have cringed if he saw that smile on this professor's face.

And so the meeting went on about the first day, while no one even bothered to check up on England. Luckily no one did for the entire day, for they would have been scared for life if they saw him like this. England was currently tapped to the high ceiling of his temporary room and was trying to struggle out of the red, white, blue striped duct tape that Russia had put on him. His wand was on the nightstand and he needed hit to get down without hurting himself. The tape was suck to his bare torso that had been banished by the large nation. Ivan was so evil that he even transfigured his trousers into a miniskirt! _'I get myself into the worst possible problems, don't I? Bloody fate!'_ And so Arthur was stuck their for the entire night until Russia came to get him down. _'Thank God that Russia didn't take any photos of me like this,' _he thought, unaware of the hidden camera that was going off every five minutes.

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><p><strong>Hooray I'm done with the chapter!<strong> **I promise I will try to make the chapter longer but for now, a question! What do you think England said to Russia that pissed him off so much? Leave a _review_ telling me what you think he said, and also try to guess what three weapons Russia is using against England.** **Heck, why don't you just comment while your at it!**


	4. Chapter 4

**What is this!? An update? .-. Yaaaass. I am (somewhat) back! Here's a new chapter. I'm just so amazed how many people have fav'd, alert'd, and reviewed it while I was gone. But now that I got 99 favs (Yaaaaay :3) I thought I'd update it. Good readings!**

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><p>England was glad that house elves were happy to help. He finally managed to get down from the ceiling when the little things came to clean his room during the night (though it did creep him out a bit). The country sighed as he dusted his chest off, wondering why he invited the aggressive nation in the first place. He only rubbed his stinging chest now covered by his forest green sweater vest and headed down for breakfast.<p>

But of course his morning could always get worse by meeting Umbridge in hall on his way for food. "Oh Arthur, I've been meaning to speak with you," she greeted in a sickeningly sweet tone.

"Dolores, pleasure to see you," Arthur replied with a fake smile.

"I've been hearing a few students talking about your curriculum and how you and your assistant are going to be teaching _muggle_ history." Her hands tightened into fists that squealed due to her pink gloves.

"Yes... Yes we are." England narrowed his emerald eyes. "What about it?"

"Well, I am simply wondering why you are going into muggle history rather than magical, of course. It would be simply _terrible_ if the children didn't know the history behind magic."

The nation straightened at the strain in her voice to speak about his mundane citizens. He cared about all of them; sadly his magical government obviously didn't feel the same. "Well, we will be touching into the history of magic but mixing in a bit of the rest of the world, if you will."

As the two reached the staff table's entrance, Umbridge sharply turned to him. "That's good, Professor Kirkland. But go off task and _(hem, hem)_ the Ministry might be forced to get involved."

If the toad wasn't standing right in front of him, England would have shouted, 'What bollocks!'. He knew that the Ministry wasn't allowed to interfere with schooling, but how far they were willing to go... He wouldn't risk it. "Of course Professor Umbridge, no need to worry about a thing." He quickly made his way to his chair, which luckily, happened to be opposite of Umbridge. England dropped into his seat with a huff and grabbed the cup with steaming Earl Grey, taking large gulps of it.

Russia could obviously see his fellow country's plight. "Comrade Arthur, what's wrong? It's not about last night was it, because you deserved that..."

His fellow nation ran his hand over his face. "Bloody Hell, my magical government's gone down the drain, Rus- Ivan. It's bloody terrible."

The large country looked over to England. The island nation had a pale complexion and bags under his eyes, and if the blonde's hair could get any messier, it was. This magical war was taking its toll on the Englishman and Russia could _really _see that. What didn't help was what he read in the newspaper a small bird had gave him. It basically said there was nothing to worry about! Russia patted the blonde on the shoulder. "Arthur, if you need it, take a rest, da. I can handle the morning classes."

"No Ivan, I really shouldn't," the older country sighed. "I already did that and I'd rather not be known for my tardiness. Anyways, it's time for classes to start anyways. Being seen at breakfast and not in class would seem like I'm slacking off." England stood and stretched. "Come on, we got children to teach."

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"And so, that is how Britain came to be," Professor Kirkland finished off as he circled the whole of the United Kingdom on the chalkboard. The students copied the last of their notes (well, the students that were interested in learning) and let their quills drop. "Tomorrow we will be learning about the forming colonies of Britain, or England, at the time. For homework, you will need to research some main colonies of England and bring in some notes." The dismissal sound rang out and the young wizards and witches quickly packed their bags and headed out. Some quietly, others making fun of the obviously muggle ways of war. Hermione walked over to Mr. Kirkland who was erasing the chalkboard. "Professor, how come you're teaching the muggle ways?"

"Well, you can't expect wizardry to appear _that_ far back. Most people had to rely on regular weapons as magic hadn't been discovered quite yet. Merlin wasn't even born when England had started to expand." Hermione suddenly saw a brief flash of _something _in the professor's eyes, but she wasn't sure what it was. "Well now Miss Granger, you should be heading to your next class, don't want to be late."

"Right, thanks Professor," the intelligent girl replied as she hurried out the door. Russia huffed from behind the desk as he graded the homework turned in by the class before. He looked up with his usual smile. "You know that girl might be smart enough to figure out what we are, da?"

The Englishman ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, probably... but perhaps that might be for the better. We won't be able to keep this secret, I'm sure. But, better be students than a teacher."

"Mm, da. But better no one to find out about our little secret than someone."

"Whatever, let me get ready for the next class."

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><p><strong>And here's a chapter done! I actually want to get back into writing fanfics, so if you're a Transformers fan, check out my other story that I'll be updating within the week. See ya around kiddies!<strong>


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